Number 8:
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7:
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6:
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.  They can't tell them apart.  If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5:
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4:
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3:
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2:
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought:
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

---and as someone recently said to me:
"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."